Sarcastic new year quotes

The joy of a new year! Here are some sarcastic New Year quotes to ring in the occasion:

  1. "Happy New Year! May your resolutions last longer than your hangover."
  2. "Another year, another chance to pretend you're going to change your life, but really you'll just be stuck in the same old routine."
  3. "New Year, who dis? Same old me, same old problems, same old Netflix binge-watching habits."
  4. "I'm not making any resolutions this year. I'm just going to pretend I'm a functioning adult and hope for the best."
  5. "Happy New Year! May your bank account be replenished, your waistline be smaller, and your social media followers be more engaged."
  6. "I'm so excited to start a new year of adulting, but honestly, I'm just going to wing it and hope for the best."
  7. "New Year, new me... said no one ever. Same old me, same old struggles, same old procrastination habits."
  8. "I'm not saying I'm going to fail at my New Year's resolutions, but I'm definitely going to fail at my New Year's resolutions."
  9. "Happy New Year! May your resolutions be more achievable than your New Year's Eve party goals."
  10. "I'm so done with the old year, but honestly, I'm just going to carry over all my old habits and hope for the best."
  11. "New Year, new me... or at least, new me for the first week, and then I'll just fall back into my old ways."
  12. "I'm not making any promises about this new year, but I'm definitely going to make some promises to myself that I'll probably break."
  13. "Happy New Year! May your resolutions be more successful than your attempts to adult."
  14. "I'm so excited to start a new year of pretending to be a responsible adult, but really, I'm just going to wing it and hope for the best."
  15. "New Year, new me... or at least, new me for the first hour, and then I'll just go back to my old ways and pretend it never happened."

Happy New Year, and may your resolutions be more successful than your attempts to adult!