Funny news broadcast

Here's a funny news broadcast script:

[Intro music plays, followed by a serious-looking anchor]

Anchor: Good evening, I'm Bob Smith, and welcome to our evening news broadcast. We've got a doozy of a show for you tonight, folks. Our top story: a cat has been elected mayor of a small town in rural America.

[Cut to a graphic with the headline "Feline Mayor Elected in Surprise Upset"]

Anchor: That's right, folks. Whiskers, a 3-year-old tabby cat, won the election in a landslide victory, defeating a human candidate by a margin of 2:1. When asked about her campaign promises, Whiskers simply purred and batted at a ball of yarn.

[Cut to an interview with Whiskers, who is sitting on a desk, looking regal]

Whiskers: Meow, I promise to bring more catnip to the town, and to make sure all the mice are caught and fed to the cats. And, of course, I'll make sure the town's cat cafes are always fully stocked.

Anchor: Wow, that's a bold platform, Whiskers. And what about your opponents? Did they have anything to say about your, ah, unique qualifications?

Whiskers: Meow, they just said I was a cat-astrophe waiting to happen. But I think my feline charm won over the voters.

[Cut back to the anchor]

Anchor: Well, there you have it, folks. A cat as mayor. We'll be keeping an eye on this story and seeing how Whiskers does in office.

[Cut to a graphic with the headline "Feline Mayor's First Act: Declaring National Cat Day a Holiday"]

Anchor: And in other news, Whiskers has already taken her first official act as mayor: declaring National Cat Day a holiday. We're not sure what this means for the town's productivity, but we're sure the cats are thrilled.

[Cut to a shot of cats lounging in the sun, looking happy]

Anchor: And finally, in sports news, a group of cats has formed a professional soccer team and is dominating the league. We're not sure how they're doing it, but we're pretty sure it has something to do with their lightning-fast reflexes and ability to nap at will.

[Outro music plays]

Anchor: That's all for tonight, folks. Thanks for watching, and we'll see you tomorrow.