Funny new age quotes

The wisdom of the new age! Here are some funny new age quotes for you:

1. "I'm not arguing, I'm just passionately expressing my point of view while completely dismissing yours."
2. "I'm not lazy, I'm just conserving my energy for more important things... like scrolling through social media."
3. "I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right. There's a difference."
4. "I'm not a morning person, I'm a coffee person. There's a difference."
5. "I'm not arguing, I'm just having a spirited discussion... with myself."
6. "I'm not a control freak, I just like to have a plan. And a backup plan. And a plan for the backup plan."
7. "I'm not a procrastinator, I'm just a master of time management. I can do anything I want, anytime I want... tomorrow."
8. "I'm not a hoarder, I'm just a collector of memories. And stuff. And more stuff."
9. "I'm not a perfectionist, I'm just a perfection-ist-in-training. I'll get there eventually... maybe."
10. "I'm not a worrier, I'm just a planner. I'm planning for all the things that could go wrong... just in case."
11. "I'm not a people person, I'm just a people-ologist. I study people... from a safe distance."
12. "I'm not a morning person, I'm just a night owl with a bad sense of direction. I get lost in the morning."
13. "I'm not a procrastinator, I'm just a master of the art of doing nothing. It's a skill, really."
14. "I'm not a control freak, I just like to have a plan... and a backup plan... and a plan for the backup plan... and a plan for the plan for the backup plan."
15. "I'm not a worrier, I'm just a realist. I'm just preparing for the worst... which is probably going to happen anyway."

I hope these funny new age quotes bring a smile to your face!