Exaggerated news headlines

The art of sensationalism! Here are some exaggerated news headlines for your entertainment:

1. BREAKING: Cats Found to be Secretly Controlling World's Supply of Catnip
2. NASA Announces Discovery of Giant Pizza Planet on Edge of Solar System
3. New Study Reveals That Procrastination is Actually a Superpower
4. Local Man's Beard Grows to Unprecedented Length, Threatens to Take Over City
5. Scientists Discover Cure for Monday Blues, Immediately Lose Funding
6. Area Woman's Cat's Instagram Account More Popular Than Most Humans
7. BREAKING: World's Largest Ice Cream Sundae Eaten in One Sitting, Apocalypse Imminent
8. New Species of Giant, Fire-Breathing Hamsters Discovered in Local Park
9. Area Man's Love of Video Games Causes Time Dilation, Wife Now 10 Years Older
10. BREAKING: Aliens Land on Earth, Immediately Ask for Directions to the nearest Starbucks
11. Local Weather Forecast: 100% Chance of Sudden, Uncontrollable Outbursts of Joy
12. New Study Reveals That Watching Cat Videos Can Cure Cancer (But Only on Tuesdays)
13. BREAKING: World's Largest Collection of Belly Button Lint Sets New Guinness Record
14. Area Woman's Hair Grows So Long, She Can Now Use it as a Jump Rope
15. Scientists Discover That Eating Too Much Cheese Can Give You Superpowers (But Only if You're a Mouse)

Remember, these headlines are entirely fictional and not meant to be taken seriously. Or are they?