Comedy breaking news jokes

Here are some comedy breaking news jokes:

Breaking News:

• "Breaking news: I just spilled coffee on my shirt. I repeat, I just spilled coffee on my shirt. Stay tuned for further updates on my morning."
• "Breaking news: The cat has taken over the world. No, seriously, it's just eating my lunch again."
• "Breaking news: I just won the lottery... in my dreams. Wake me up when it's real, please."
• "Breaking news: The apocalypse has been delayed until further notice. In the meantime, please continue to panic."
• "Breaking news: I just found out I'm allergic to adulting. Symptoms include procrastination, Netflix binges, and eating Cheetos for breakfast."

Fake News:

• "Breaking news: The government has announced a new law requiring all citizens to wear funny hats on Tuesdays. Details are still unclear, but sources say it's a 'fascinating' development."
• "Breaking news: Scientists have discovered a new species of dinosaur that's actually just a T-Rex in a suit. It's a 'dino-mite' find, they say."
• "Breaking news: The world's largest pizza has been stolen. The thief is still at large, but authorities say they're 'crust'-ing the case."
• "Breaking news: A new study has found that eating too much cheese can give you the power of telekinesis. Or maybe it's just a gouda excuse."
• "Breaking news: The moon has been replaced with a giant disco ball. It's a 'stellar' development, say astronomers."

Satirical News:

• "Breaking news: The government has announced a new program to provide free therapy sessions to all citizens who are still traumatized by the 2016 election. It's a 'historic' move, they say."
• "Breaking news: The world's most expensive coffee has been stolen. The thief is still at large, but authorities say they're 'buzzing' with activity."
• "Breaking news: A new study has found that the average person checks their phone over 100 times a day. It's a 'text-astrophic' trend, say experts."
• "Breaking news: The world's largest ball of twine has been stolen. The thief is still at large, but authorities say they're 'wrapped' up in the investigation."
• "Breaking news: The government has announced a new law requiring all citizens to wear seatbelts... on their cats. It's a 'purr-fectly' reasonable measure, they say."